Two death anniversaries in one month

I hate October, I think it's kinda cursed month for my family. Two of my family members had died in this month.

On the 16th of October, my dear daddy had died by cancer. I hate cancer. It's the tenth anniversary of my father's death. I was in school and I had absolutly no idea about what would happen that day. I remember my cousin asked me if my father was fine, and I answered very confidently: "he is very fine". Recalling that make me feel like an idiot. I didn't even know that he had cancer. No one told me, no one told us.

I miss him so much that I feel so lonely. He is my father who let me ride camels, he prefered my spoiled brother to take to the grocery than taking me though. I wish he could see my baby and hold him. I wish I can talk to him. I always dream of him but my dreams are so lame and more like an anime!! Damn it!

The second member is my elder brother. The father of two daughters and one son. He was very young and wise, stubborn ofcourse, it's a genatic thing I beleive. He died on the 22nd of October from a car accident. This is his fifth anniversary.

On that particular date I remember I was very happy because we have a day off in colleg, everyone in college went to Gitex trip -except me ofcourse- so they cancelled the day! I slept untill 11 and then my sister came to me and woke me up telling me that my brother had an accident and he was in the hospital -she knew he was dead already but didn't tell me. After that I figured it out. It took me weeks to realize that he is gone, they are both gone.

I think I will stop here. Sorry guys, at some point I needed to write this down to make me realize how hard it is and how much I miss them.